After my last journal for the San Francisco Supercross I really started to try and figure out what the heck was going on in my life to make all my bad luck occur. I sold my 250fs and decided to get a 450 and struggled on that. Then I decided to switch back to 250 2-strokes and bingo, it clicked and I started riding better instantly. Finally I was starting to ride good again and I was even getting some good time on a supercross track. So, I decide to go to Houston and try to race the 250 class. Well, it turned out to be a different day but same story. I had nothing but problems with my bike. First off I put my head gasket on wrong after changing the top end, so my bike didn’t have any low end. After fixing that it still didn’t work right. Eventually we figured out that the aftermarket ignition I had on my bike went out and that is the short story of it all. I was really bummed about that because I felt really really good that weekend after all the practice I had logged in at the Racetown Supercross track in the high desert and was actually riding good in Houston considering my bike wasn’t working.

After this supercross season you would think I am about ready to give up. All of my friends were over seeing me do it and I am sure everybody is tired of reading about it. It is painful, but you know what I learned more from failing this year than I would have if it the season would have gone perfect for me. I learned that even if God gives you a vision it doesn’t mean that it is going to happen without a lot of hard work and dedication both in my personal and professional life. I also learned that I was being very passive with my feelings. I love racing so much that everytime something like this happens it broke my heart more than the first girl that ever broke up with me. So, I turned it off and didn’t let it get too deep.

What was missing in my life was the passion and the feeling. I wasn’t feeling it and I was not loving it. I wanted to do this because it is my dream, not as a career opportunity. I don’t care if I ever make money at this sport, that is not what it is about for me. It is about a vision, a dream, and being fully alive with passion and spirit. I remember asking God when I first moved to California to just get my foot in the door to race professionally and I will take it the rest of the way. I am sure he laughed like he had not laughed in a long time at that, because He knew I would need Him every step of the way and I do. I meant it more in the terms of sweeping floors at Pro Circuit at the time, which just happens to the sponsor that helps me out with my bikes! What also helped me see that was listening to a song called The Fever by Garth Brooks, which is about a bull rider and his passion for the Rodeo.

After bruising my ribs in December before supercross I had been riding better than I had in my whole life. I started to believe in myself again, but I also started to not listen to what God was trying to say. I had my sights set on what I wanted rather than what God wanted. The result was a gnarly crash on a day that I shouldn’t have been riding at a track I should not have been at. I set a schedule for myself to follow for training and riding and let someone else talk me into breaking that schedule. I told myself not to ride on Wednesdays and Sundays to have time for God and to rest and get everything back in shape from healing for 2 months after my spleen injury at the Glen Helen national. I ended up riding on a Sunday taking a Tuesday off and riding on Wednesday, which was the day I crashed. I am not saying God made me crash, in fact He fully protected me from serious injury as it is one of my worse crashes to date. But if I would have listened to the schedule God and I came up with I wouldn’t have been there. I believe God is more of the sit in the corner for a timeout type rather than beat you with a belt type when you don’t listen.

I can’t even to begin to tell you how much God has been working in my life since the last time I wrote a journal. He gave me the opportunity to race in Chile at a Supercross race through a friend that I wrenched for two years in a row at the two World Supercross rounds. I didn’t do good in the race, but I learned that it truly isn’t about that anymore. I am a really really good rider, but I need to be patient and just ride. Don’t worry about this or that, just go out and ride to get experience. I can’t tell you how many people asked me about Zoo Racing Ministries. I took a set of graphics over there to put on the bike and had so many conversations about God because of that. I even talked to a guy I was pitted with and racing against. It was his first Supercross race and he was really nervous. He asked me about Zoo and I told him a little bit. He asked me “Do you pray before you race?” I told him that I did everytime before I get on the track. He ended up being in my heat race lined up right next to me. While the promoters were calling all the names on the loud speaker and the t.v. camera was going on everybody, I looked over and saw him with his head down and hands together praying on his crossbar pad right before the gate dropped. I was so stoked and that totally made my trip. Little Victories is something I really like, it gets the ball rolling.

Also, while in Chile I finally got some insight to what was going on in my head and life. They don’t watch very much t.v. in Chile, but luckily I brought a very cool book, The Screwtape Letter by C.S. Lewis. God’s timing is never too late or too soon, but always right on time. I think God is so awesome that He will take you all the way to a place like Chile just to get you away from all the distractions and sit down and give you a tailor made message. I had bought the book a long time ago, but never read it until I had left for Chile. It is a book about a demon writing letters to his nephew about how to trick us into staying away from God. A lot of things started clicking after that. Okay I am stealing this from G.I. Joe, but knowing is half the battle.

I also met this really amazing girl that helped me see a lot of things. Most girls I meet don’t really ask too much about who I am. They just kind of ask the same old questions. This girl was asking me “I want to get to know your heart and soul” questions. That scared the heck out of me. I don’t like people getting to close to me like that as I have been burned a lot by people. So I held back on a lot of things. She ended up going to Houston with me and because of her I started seeing that I was being passive with my feelings in my life as well as my riding. I have to say that relationships are a lot like riding. You can do everything perfect and everything seems to better than it could be expected and then you lose focus and the front end washes out and you are laying on your butt in the dirt not knowing what happened. Especially with women and God, they both deserve to have a man that gives it their all.

I didn’t grow up living a Christian life, although I always believed. I use to party a lot on the weekends in high school. Growing up in Kansas that is just what we did, I am not trying to justify it but that is just how I grew up. So, after all my bad luck in Supercross I started drinking a little bit here and there with some friends. Nothing too major, but the fact of the matter is that I can’t and don’t want to do that stuff anymore. It just leads to nothing but bad things. No I didn’t get drunk and fall in my faith, back slide a little bit yes, but I compromised my integrity. God has given me a lot and expects a lot of me, which might be the reason He has me up at around 6:30 everyday getting my butt in gear. People can say “oh just lossen up a bit” or “you are a good guy and not too worry.” But you know what, God has given me His best and I know He deserves mine. I didn’t realize that because I am part of a ministry and that I write journals for a Christian website that people would look at me different and I have a responsibility to be that person. Again because I grew up the way I did, not too much was expected of me. Being part of Zoo Racing Ministries and writing journals for PaniRev is something I am taking very seriously and really enjoy. I want to rise to the occasions that God puts in front of me no matter what they are or the circumstances. All in all I think God is getting me ready to handle what He has planned for me.

I mean He didn’t bring me all the way up here to just drop me on my butt. Which reminds me of a great analogy. I was at Life Church in Mission Viejo listening to a pastor speak. He did a demonstration were he asked a person to come up to the pulpit. As soon as the guy got up there the speaker left and sat down in the front row. The guy on stage looked around with a blank look on his face as if to say “now what do I do.” The pastor explained sometimes it feels like God does that to us. I was like ah yeah it does!! Then he explained that sometimes God puts us in places and then leaves to make arrangements for our blessings. He goes to make the path for you to follow, so don’t move or else you will miss out on the blessing He has for you. For some reason a question has been stuck in my mind for a long time as well, “after the light ends and you can’t see the footsteps, will you still follow?” I think it means to keep following and pushing on even though you can’t see what is going on around you, but I think the answer will be shown to me later on.

So, were I am today? I am back to riding better than ever. I messed up pretty good relationship with that girl and I am not too sure what races I am going to be doing. But I have a 250 2-stroke that I plan on racing at the Colorado, Washougal, and Glen Helen Nationals this summer. I really want to do some Hot Summer Nights races at Perris since Scott and PanicRev will be out there. I also have a 450 that I have started riding again, which might be a better choice for the nationals, but more importantly I have my heart and passion back. I remembered that God has given me a gift and talent to ride anything with two wheels and a motor. Now I have to put in the hard work and keep my sights on what God wants for my life and being the man He dreamed I could be when He created me for His purpose. The closing for my Supercross season is “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” I can already promise you that I am going to screw up a lot more in my life. We all fall short of God’s glory everyday, but knowing that He also made His mercy new everyday. So, giving God my best everyday however much or little that is is what I am going to do.

scott57cram@earthlink.net

P.S. I would really like to thank Scott Parkinson for letting me be part of PanicRev by writing these journals. They have really helped me grow in my faith this year and I hope God will put more on my heart to write this summer.